Here's a nicer post. Sorry.

It occured to me that the post before this one is a downer, so, to try to make up for it (and to offer an olive branch to anyone who may have been offended), here's Michael Hilburg, known as 'junior' to his old high school friends (like me), telling a story he famously tells every year. Happy belated Halloween! Take it away, Michael.


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Now, onto the story that for some reason has become a cult-Halloween story (I really don’t understand why).

THE APPLE STORY

One Halloween many years ago (during the late 1970's), when my dad was in college at Wash U. (incidentally the same dorm that I lived in for 2 years...), my dad and his roommate were in their room relaxing, preparing to go out on the town, when all of a sudden they heard a knock on the door.

They answered the door, only to be surprised to hear someone say,

"TRICK-OR-TREAT!"

The surprise arose because they lived in a locked dorm. You needed a key to get in and, therefore, they weren't expecting any kids.

So, my father told the kids to hold on while they looked for candy.

Well, they didn’t have any candy, sugar or anything close, so they got him an apple out of the fridge (this incident was occurring at the same time as the razor blade in the food phenomenon was at its height).

So, aware of the dangers of strangers, the kid said,

"How do I know that there's no razor blade in there or anything?"

My dad, trying to defend his family name, replied, instructing the little hooligan that he and his roommate are not that kind of people and that there is no razor in the apple.

"Oh, yeah, well then bite the apple and prove it," said the little brat.

So my dad bit the apple and my dad and spitefully pointed out the munchkin that there still was no razor in the apple.

Then the kid uttered those words, which have immortalized this poor story...

“You knew where to bite! Bite here instead!"

So my dad took the apple and once again took another bite to prove to this little boy that there was never a razor blade in this apple.

Then all of a sudden the kid grabbed the apple, turned around and walked down the hall, never to be seen again.


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This story is truly LEGENDARY among Junior's friends, and I thank him for allowing me to republish it without the exorbitant fee normally allotted.